u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
