Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
