I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
