Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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