sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
