just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
