I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
