I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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