So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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