Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
