i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
