Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Randomize
