dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
