i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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