Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
there is glitter all over my balls
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