wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
