Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
