her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize