bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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