my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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