Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
