We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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