So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I look better un-naked...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
