this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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