I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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