This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
