Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
