im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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