i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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