The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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