Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
