Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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