I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
