Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
