Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Randomize