So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
