If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She is in my trunk
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
