should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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