Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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