Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
