Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
