I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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