True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
