Three words: puerto rican gang bang
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
