I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
