I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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