I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
