Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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