please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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