My sheets look like a crime scene.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
