my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
