conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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