I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
