dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
