my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
