Soap is not a condiment
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
