I must be too annoying 4 u.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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