i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
