I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I came so hard my ears popped.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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