i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
