Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
