your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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