im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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