I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
