I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
