He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I stole a fireplace last night.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
